My Favorite Mockumentary

Drop Dead Gorgeous is simply phenomenal. I watched it for the 7528904270345 billionth time last weekend, wondering why I don't watch it every day.

The film is a 1999 mockumentary, poking fun at the ridiculously overrated beauty pageants teenage girls dedicate their adolescent lives to. A documentary crew from Los Angeles, California is recruited by Sarah Rose Cosmetics to chronicle the journey several girls will take in Mount Rose, Minnesota, as the compete to win the local beauty pageant. As head of the pageant committee, Gladys Leeman, wonderfully portrayed by Kirstie Alley, is a traditional stage mom, putting on a "good, God-fearin'" girl act, and sabotaging the competition to make sure her daughter, Rebecca Ann Leeman(Denise Richards) wins. Such acts of sabotage include killing one contestant, overachiever Tammy Curry, by literally blowing her up, deafening another, Jenelle Betz, by setting a stage light up to knock her unconscious, and shooting Amber Atkins'(Kirsten Dunst) love interest Brett Clemmens, and blaming hunting season. And this is all overlooked, simply because the Leemans are the richest family in town- Mr. Leeman owns a furniture store that makes a profit off of cheap knock-off couches, and the family's home is riddled with hidden wine cases and ash trays. Not to mention the hilariously naive(and bribed) police force, who, "after some investigatin', determines that all contestants that were killed, must've been smokin' and drivin'". However, most of the contestants are doing the pageant merely for fun, or as Lisa Swenson(Brittany Murphy) puts it, "If you're seventeen, and you're not a total fry, it's just whatcha do."

The film crew follows each contestant, and the audience learns of each of their hilariously real personalities and talents. Amber Atkins just wants to get out of Mount Rose and be a news anchor like her idol, Diane Sawyer. She practices her immense talent for tap dancing while doing her after school job- she does the hair and makeup for the deceased at the local funeral home. Leslie Miller(a very young Amy Adams) is the seemingly innocent, but really future Phillipine stripper, cheerleader who is supported by her crazed, sports fanatic boyfriend. Lisa Swenson has an insane giggle, and aspires to be like her brother Peter, a drag queen in New York City. Tess Winhaus is a ridiculously awkward dog lover, whose talent is imitating different dog barks, including her obvious favorite, the German Shepard. Molly Howard was adopted by a dorky, country-western obsessed Asian family, and is the American daughter they never had(even though they have a gorgeous, pageant-worthy Asian daughter, whom they scream at for not speaking English). Molly's talent is- you guessed it- line dancing! Michelle Johnson is an aspiring actress, with the over dramatic flair to match. She reads a monologue, making proclamations about how "soilent green is people!". Jenelle Betz is seemingly in love with sign language, so when she is deafened by Gladys Leeman, she is thrilled. And of course, theres's Rebecca Ann Leeman, president of her class, president of the Luteran Sisterhood Gun Club of Mount Rose, and a self-proclaimed winner. Her talent is literally one of the funniest things I've ever seen, and a fantastic Denise Richards moment. Rebecca sings appallingly badly while dancing around a Velcro Jesus doll on a rolling crucifix, while clad in a poodle skirt. At the conclusion of her talent performance, her mother, the host of the pageant as well, says, "Oh, boy, I'd hate to follow that act!" to forced applause.

Other characters surrounding the pageant increase the hilarity of the plot, including Amber's mother and best friend- alcoholic cosmetologist Annette Atkins(Ellen Brakin), and the ever promiscuous Loretta(Allison Janney). They all live together in the local trailer park, which is later blown up by Gladys, or according to the police, "bad wiring". The pageant judges, Harold Vilmes, John Dough, and Jean Kangas, have equally amusing background stories. Vilmes(Michael McShane) must remain with his mentally retarted brother Hank(Will Sasso) at all times, or else his pants will always be off. Kangas(Lona Williams) is the sexually harassed employee of Lester Leeman(Sam McMurray), and doesn't say a word throughout the entire film. Dough(Matt Malloy), is an obvious pedophile and heavy smoker, always mentioning how he's "never been around young girls". The judges attempt to make it look as though they haven't been bribed by Gladys and her right hand woman, Iris Clark(Mindy Sterling, but Hank makes it sort of obvious when he shouts, "I KNOW WHO DA WINNER IS!"

I've basically gone over the plot in a weird order to introduce the characters, but I should really do it chronologically. Contestants begin to die before/during the actual pageant, Amber's mobile home explodes, but her tap dancing outfit is saved, and then stolen assuredly by Rebecca, and Amber is nearly disqualified. But, Lisa drops out of the pageant, saying that "Peter has much better legs than [her]". Leslie comes in third place, Amber comes in second, and Rebecca, not surprisingly, wins first. She is featured in a parade, sitting atop a float in the shape of a swan, which catches on fire and kills her. Gladys goes insane and is arrested by Cops(whose cameramen happen to be friends with the documentary crew) when she admits that she killed the other girls. Amber takes Rebecca's place and goes with Loretta to compete at the state level at the Airport HoJo in central Minnesota, and is intimidated by the other city girls and their talents. However, Amber is declared the winner when she is the only one who doesn't eat the bad shellfish served to the girls(the others are hospitalized for excessive vomiting). When Amber goes to the Sarah Rose headquarters to compete at the country-wide level, she and the other girls discover that the company has been seized for tax violations.

Such an excellent movie.