Duplicity

I don't usually go for "spy-thriller" films, but I made an exception for Duplicity, mostly because I like Julia Roberts. Her character, Claire, a CIA agent, and Ray(Clive Owen), an M16 agent, have to work together to carry out a complicated con, and stay together in a romantic relationship.

At the beginning of the film, it Claire and Ray meet for the first time, and Ray is, unknowingly, Claire's assignment. Though she cons him and drugs him, he is still entranced with her, but the next few scenes wouldn't appear that way. The movie is somewhat hard to follow, because it switches back and forth between the past and present. It would appear that Claire, who now works undercover at a company called Burkett & Randle, and Ray, a new addition to an agency called Equickrom, hate each other, and hate that they are assigned to work together. But we find out later that Claire and Ray did not meet by chance, they planned the whole thing so that they would be able to stay together. They had met in Rome after their first meeting, and had fallen in love before this. They had devised a complicated plan to defy both their employers. Equickrom believes that B&R is developing a new product that they stole from them, so each CEO, Garsik of Equickrom, and Howard Tully of B&R (Paul Giamatti and Tom Wilkinson) plans to con the other, to steal the formula to the product. Claire and Ray each make their way to the inside of each company, find their secrets. Believing they have B&R beat, Claire accuses Ray of cheating, of working for B&R, and he is searched by Equickrom. But she has not betrayed him- she did it so that the two of them would sell the formula to the new product with Equickrom's backing. However, the Swiss company that they planned to sell it to informs them that the formula is a fraud. Garsik, Ray, and Claire realize that they have been fooled by Tully and B&R, and the film ends with them waiting to see what happens next. They are doubtful about their future as agents, but nonetheless happy to all have each other.

Since the plot is so complex, it's difficult to watch sometimes. Not that it's too hard to follow, but rather it's hard to get involved with the characters. The entertaining part is the interactions between them, especially Garsik and Tully, and Ray and Claire. As agents and bosses, they are always on their toes, always convinced that someone is trying to play the other. The ending was so unexpected. Director Tony Gilroy builds up the agents' reputations, so that the audience is under the impression that the only thing left to do after they complete their mission is to love each other, and that they never do anything wrong. But then everything changes when you realize they've been had. I liked the ending though, I liked how Roberts and Owen weren't completely destroyed by this realization- they keep it...cool throughout the entire film, there's really not other way to describe it.

Marie Antoinette

The other day, I felt compelled to watch a bunch of movies and do nothing else. So, I watched Bye, Bye Birdie, Failure to Launch, and Marie Antoinette. The only reason I watched Failure to Launch is because I adore Zooey Daschenel, and I try to emulate her mannerisms on a daily basis. Other than that, the acting was an attempt at charm, but overall...a failure. Bye, Bye Birdie is of course, a classic musical, with classic actors and songstresses. Marie Antoinette was by far my favorite of the three. Sofia Coppola did a fantastic job capturing the young queen of France's naivity and indifference, as does Kirsten Dunst playing her. You probably know the basic story- a young Austrian girl forced to marry the Dauphin of France to secure the alliance between their countries, a marriage that would be riddled with scandal, adultery- everything but love. Marie is constantly hounded about not having any children, so she submerges herself into a world of constant parties, gambling, and other men. When she and her husband finally become king and queen, she is overwhelmed with requests from her public, and delves deeper into the dark.

The plot is so dramatic, but Coppola livens the story up, modernizes it, with a ridiculously catchy soundtrack, featuring new wave bands like The Cure and Siouxsie and the Banshees, along with period music from classical composers like Vivaldi. The contrast between the modern and the traditional is what makes the movie so captivating. Scandals and adultery are better portrayed by The Strokes than they would be with Couperin. Marie is more flighty- she's a pop star. Though the movie is historically accurate concerning facts, Coppola's interpretation of Marie's life is perfect. A teenage queen wouldn't be perfect all the time, she wouldn't want to follow the rules. There is a particular scene in which she is trying on all sorts of shoes, and there is a blurred pair of Converse in the background. This was, for me, the best part of the film, though it probably went unnoticed to most. Another scene, in which the Dauphine and her friends were drunk after a party, and ran out to watch the sunrise, captured the essence of the modern and traditional teenager. Roger Ebert gave the film four out of four stars. He said, "every criticism I have read of this film would alter its fragile magic and reduce its romantic and tragic poignancy to the level of an instructional film. This is Sofia Coppola's third film centering on the loneliness of being female and surrounded by a world that knows how to use you but not how to value and understand you." I think he's totally right- the reason Marie Antoinette went astray was because of her the people who surrounded her. Every morning, it took her at least fifteen minutes to get dressed, not only because opf the elaborate outfits, but because her royal counterparts had to dress her, one by one. She must've been so frustrated, as her mother wrote to her constantly about not having any children. She was afraid she wasn'y charming enough for her husband, and it was clear that other subjects thought so. So much stress caused her to go crazy, to live the high life in the extreme. She took advantage of her royalty, which made her a rock star.

I wish this actually existed, though there are things like it.

This is a projectfrom my journalism class- we had to design a magazine or newpaper circulation business. Here is the plan from mine:
College Life Magazine
www.CollegeLifeMag.com
Business Plan
Hayley Johnson and Shane Saxton

Focus of the company:
-Our mission is to aid current high school students, as well as their parents and teachers, in their search for the perfect college. We will also assist recently accepted or existing college students in terms of college life.

-Each issue will include a compelling cover story spotlighting a specific college, a stellar student, or a renowned professor, along with sub-articles about the financial, cultural, social, and academic aspects of college life.

Publishing information:
-We will have a monthly issue in print, available by subscription- 1/3 of our articles will be exclusively in print.

-We will also have a website- 1/3 of our articles will be available both online and in print.

-1/3 of our articles will be fully available in print, but only partially online. To read those, one must subscribe to the magazine and/or website.

-To decide how to publish each article, we will categorize them according to student interest and popularity. Cover stories will always be fully available in print and online. If we find that one topic is well-received, perhaps that will be available for both too.

Profit:
-To subscribe to the magazine, we will charge a flat rate of $24.95 per year for 12 issues- we want to cater to a student budget. The same price will be charged for an online subscription. We will provide special offers to high school “College and Career” Centers that subscribe- $19.95 per year for 12 issues. If a public library wishes to subscribe so that the magazine will be available for student readers, we will charge $19.95 per year as well.

-We will also hold bi-monthly contests within the magazine/website, in which students can win prizes of college gear, for which they will have to pay a $6.50 entry fee.

Advertisement:
-To promote our magazine and gain readers, we will advertise at schools (in terms of posters and other “freebies”) and in libraries. Online advertisement will include a Facebook page- one must “Become a Fan” of College Life to view exclusive offers, partial articles, pictures, and links to our website.

-We will also lobby other magazines that target teen readers- we have contacted Teen Vogue, Seventeen, Cosmo Girl, Sports Illustrated, Boys’ Life, and Girls’ Life, about including an advertisement page to promote our magazine, and three of the six (so far) have agreed to accept a fee of $10.95 per page in exchange for advertisement. Seventeen has also agreed to collaborate with us in a joint subscription offer available through print only- $19.95 for 12 issues of Seventeen and 6 issues of College Life.

-In terms of advertisement for other companies in our magazine, we will charge them $14.95 per ad. Or, if they wish to advertise monthly, they will be charged a flat rate of $10.95 per month. Collegegear.com and Soffe Apparel have approached us about online and print advertisement.

To appeal to readers:
-On our website and Facebook page, we will have weekly polls about what topics students want to see in the next issue. We will hold daily forums with our employees to consider the highest ranking topics, as well as our employees’ individual ideas.

-Our selective interviews will be of human interest, with college and high school students that are unique, hard-working, and motivated, to encourage prospective college freshmen to succeed.

Employees:
-Our headquarters in Rochester, NY will include two collaborative co-executives, employees that will become leaders of their specific departments, and several educated, trained workers.

Thank you for your time and consideration!

Texting Argument

This is an essay I wrote for AP Lang, works cited included :)

As texting becomes increasingly popular, laziness concerning proper language use bleeds into academic papers and conversations. An estimated 71% of children aged 12-17 own cell phones in the United States. Cell phone use is now engrained into youth culture, and is harming language development and communication. If texting was reduced among children and teens, standard grammar rules could replace negligent slang and shorthand.

Texting has become, in a way, a hybrid language, yet it hinders effective communication through writing outside handheld devices. A national study by the College Board reveals that "64 percent of teens admit 'Textlish' seeps into their writing at school" ("the revenge..." 1). The boundary between conventional language and cell phone jargon is becoming blurred thanks to technology- abbreviation is the very sum and substance of texting. "An ever increasing number of people are spending more hours per day using written- that is, keyboard- language rather than spoken language"(Roger Fischer qtd in Sutherland 2). Students are finding that cropping their words is becoming routine. They catch themselves (or, more frequently, accidentally let their teachers catch them), "writing 'u' instead of you"(Jokinen 1). Compressing words has become the norm for some students, who subconsciously view texting as a composite dialect. Simplified vocabulary, punctuation issues, and continual rambling assemble together to create such a language, one so much more elementary and effortless that students prefer it to the proper English language. Linguistic ability is moving towards shorthand only. Abbreviations such as "lol", "C U l8r", and the like are included in the long list of textisms teachers are seeing in academic assignments. "Rethinking what they wrote and having to write second or third drafts is beyond all but a handful. In fact, texting...hardly translates into good writing"(Welsh 2). Only "54% of children ages 10-11 with cell phones in the United Kingdom"(Allison 2) reach the required writing level, a scarily low percentage. Writing has "filtered down, and while students are still communicating...it's a completely different venue"(Jokinen 1). Texting is hurting their potential to write stellar papers, and ultimately to communicate effectively. Conveyance is only possible through correctness, and due to the abbreviations associated with texting, students are no longer sticklers for grammar.

Not only has texting taken over students' writing abilities, but over their mindsets as well. Pupils who text during class justify it with the "anxiety of disconnection"(Welsh 2), that they need to send "more than 200 texts over the course of a day"(Welsh 2) or the will feel concealed from the rest of the student population. Students say they experience "darkness, seclusion, [and] isolation" when their phones are taken away by teachers. However, the teachers make the right move confiscating cell phones- teens are at fault for disrupting their own learning, for their wits are only focused on who will text them next, and how quickly. Adolescents are living in "an institutionalized culture of interruption and attention is being fragmented by a never-ending stream of phone calls, e-mails, text messages, and tweets"(Maggie Jackson qtd in Welsh 2). Student priorities are out of whack, if learning comes second to their cell phones. They will "shy away from challenges"(Welsh 3) and will not concentrate on their education. An escalating number of students are relieved to find that texting will mask their near illiteracy, as a forgiving system. Poor spelling and capitalization do not matter in the texting world, and transferring such a mindset into the world of academics is their abysmal choice, and it hurts their learning.
Texting is even becoming a part of education itself, the part of society it should not even come close to touching. "Mobile phone use is now so much a part of youth culture that it has been incorporated into some education material, with summaries of classics such as Shakespeare plays sent to pupils' mobiles in text format"(Frean, 1). The truth is, classics are no longer classics if they are read on a cell phone- how can a student obtain some meaning from Romeo and Juliet if they are anxiously opening a text message while reading it? What's more is that pupils are actually writing less and less. They "can't imagine writing letters anymore"(Jokinen 2), and are taught how to type on schools, which has ultimately prepared current teens for the sudden explosion in texting's popularity. However, for young individuals who are still in the process of learning basic grammar, this could be taxing. Texting and keyboarding undermine their ability to learn. "One of the great ironies of the high-tech revolution is that devices meant to facilitate education are actually helping to destroy it"(Welsh 2). If young students are taught to type rather than write from the get -go, they won't know any other learning method besides the computer. If forms of texting continues to seep deeper into the education system, our society will become completely technologically dependent, when really, such innovations should be assisting us.
Furthermore, such technology veils not only writing and communication, but penmanship in general. "With the increasing popularity in electronic communication, some note a decline in the quality of penmanship similar to that brought on by the advent of printing. And when handwriting does exist, it tends to be a mixture of cursive and printing because the distinction between the two has been eroded as standards in handwriting instruction has declined"(Joiknen 1). Due to the reduction in instruction for proper handwriting, and the intensification of computer-related studies, penmanship, especially in young students, is suffering greatly. Students just use one simple font as they text, without worrying how torefine their script. Teachers no longer see "excitement in pupils learning cursive"(Joiknen 1) now that they do less and less practice with it. Previous generations were taught to perfect their handwriting for job applications and careers in general. Now, with the convenience of the internet, a student could apply at a company online, perhaps from their phone, much faster. Employers and teachers are not so much interested in the details within quality anymore, so students take advantage of texting, and handwriting must suffer.

Texting leads to another epidemic in the academic world as well: the fact that it cloaks student carelessness. While typing away, pupils access a spell-checker, and pay no mind to improper grammar. "[Texting] masks dyslexia, poor spelling, and mental laziness"(Sutherland 2). Cell phones allow students to communicate easily and efficiently, but without gaining any knowledge from it. If proper language has developed so much, the progress should not be thrown into reverse- teens should continue expanding their mastery over vocabulary and spelling, without the assistance of something that can do it all for them. “Texting is penmanship for illiterates” (Sutherland 2). Capitalization is not vital to text someone five feet away, so it generally isn't used. Students have the "expectation that [someone] will immediately respond to"(Welsh 2) their message, so they don't bother to include linguistic factors. Perhaps all too frequent texters will learn too spell certain words correctly, but texts will never be engrained on the mind- only writing and orating can successfully do that.

Sadly, texting someone five feet away has indeed become the norm. Teens become distant from their friends when they send ever impersonal messages to each other, when they are often in the same room. Face-to-face communication and relationships in general are being destroyed not necessarily because of the texts themselves, but as a result of people being ignored “by friends texting instead of talking”(Jokinen 2). Romantic relationships are sometimes ended by text, which just adds to the lack of couth in teens and adults who have forgotten how to communicate candidly and effectively.

Some regard texting as a positive tool concerning kinships and the grammar of frequent texters. Claims include “texting can increase children’s phonetic awareness and linguistic creativity” (Frean 1). Researchers go as far to say that “there is no evidence to link text messaging among children to a poorer ability in Standard English” (Frean 1). But isn’t there? Most studies warn that “writing text messages could hurt a writer’s command of [language]” (“the revenge” 1). Shorthand promotes carelessness and mistakes. Thus, the argument that slang could improve quality of writing is invalid.

Improvement in student academics is only possible if phones are put away, and pencils are taken out. Texting is, simply, a threat to society’s progress and intelligent. Linguistics of the English language is being replaced by slapdash slang, and this is carrying over into writing and conversation. Youth lifestyle is defined by texting, a definition that should be removed immediately.

Fall Fashion 2010

It's that time of year again- the fashion world is already prepping for fall 2010 trends. In fact, many clothing lines have already debuted their runway shows for next season. I will attempt to predict the latest vogues I think we'll see come September, though I may not be on the same track as some major labels.

Anna Sui's line for fall is my favorite out of the lines I've browsed so far. Most of her models has sleek, crimped hair with chic bangs, and were clad in what remind me of those '60's era paper dresses, printed tights, and earthy accessories. Like last season, designers are and will begin experimenting more and more with mix matching earthy tones- Sui went for lilac florals with brown wintry boots. And everything was ultra loose, but still fitting. Betsey Johnson mixed neon pink with yellow lace and black pumps, and always incorporated something floral. I think the idea of wearing flowers takes people's minds off of winter, as if everything is bright and fresh all year round. The pumps Johnson's models wore were quite Lady Gaga-Esq- you know, the sky high, spherical, glassy heels that are often too daring to take on. Zac Posen took the heels to the next level by adding fur and velvet to the booties his models wore. He also paired the shoes with neon tights- an '80's trend that I think is coming back. Though I don't think neon in general is going to be seen a lot- I think that's good for summer, but ends come fall. Everything is more low key now- lace and cumbersome layers paired with florals have overtaken blocked colors concerning outfits. Simplicity has always been a favorite trend of mine, and I like that designers, like Emma Watson, who now has a line for People Tree is pairing simple pieces with a hint of different. Plus, all of her fabrics are organic, which means I must buy some, as I'm an organic fanatic. Prada is coming out with a new surfer inspired line, which personally I'm not crazy about. Although the look is as low key as it gets, I prefer things that are a little more sophisticated. However, pairing a fitted surfer dress with cute heels, like model Chanel Iman does, I can tolerate. Speaking of models, Hyoni Kang, a frequent catwalker, has come out with her own line of worldly vintage, with a boutique called Reborn Press. One of a kind pieces, like oversized sweatshirts and silk skirts, are the norm. Though I really like Kang's designs, I think they are way to expensive. But, then again, so are most designer fashions. That's why I prefer little true vintage and antique shops or flea markets. I bought my prom dress from a little place called Lu's Back Door- the dresses were all faded and worn and lacey and just lovely. I think faded and distressed pieces are in- they soften any look. H&M has soft, paper-thin faded jumpers that go well with pleated floral blouses. Distressed, two-toned jeans go well with basically anything, especially layers of oversized scarves. Pieces that are street chic, yet school appropriate, are headlining major runway shows.

So, even though fall is pretty far away, gear up! Stock up on anything floral, simple, and distressed, and you'll be ahead of the game. :)

Spring Awakening

A few weeks ago, I was lucky enough to see the musical Spring Awakening, while it was in Rochester at the Auditorium Theatre. While it of course wasn't the original Broadway cast, I'm sure I would've preferred it that way. The likes of Jake Epstein, Christy Altomare, and Taylor Trensch blew me away as the leads. But perhaps I should elaborate on the actual story before rambling about their mind-blowing musical talent.

Spring Awakening is based off of a German play of the same title written in the late 1800's. It revolves around teen angst and sexual discovery, exploring such issues with alternative rock and a select few soft folk tunes. The actual play was banned from the stage for 100 years, for its insanely dark and controversial nature. Adolescents, forbidden from learning anything but Latin and arithmetic, have to deal with their mamas giving them "no way to handle things", and the have to figure out everything for themselves. However, wondering aloud is a sure path to damnation, so everything is kept under the carpets.
Wendla, played by Christy Altomare, is an all too innocent teenager, who pleads to her mother to tell her where babies come from("Mama Who Bore Me"). Her mother in turn doesn't acknowledge sex at all, just to protect the chasteness of her daughter. However, the end result will harm her. Meanwhile, Melchior, played by(I apologize in advance) the DELICIOUS Jake Epstein, of Degrassi fame, is another student who reflects on the shallow narrow-mindedness of school and society("All That's Known"), with an intent to change things. He knows all about the mysteries of the human body, thanks to his supportive mother, who encourages sexual discovery. Melchior implores his distressed friend Moritz, played by Taylor Treschen, to take in his erotic dreams with optimism("The Bitch of Living"), and spends an afternoon teaching him about girls and interactions with them. Other students, like Hanschen and Georg, and girls Anna, Thea, and Martha express their desire to learn about sex, and their wish to explore their bodies("My Junk" and "Touch Me"). Wendla and Melchior find each other in the woods, and reminisce about old times, when boys and girls were allowed to enjoy each other's company. They realize the physical attraction the have for each other("The Word of Your Body"), but do not act upon it- yet. Meanwhile, Moritz discovers that he has passed his midterm examinations, but is denied to move on to the next grade, since the adult teachers have debated and decide that they cannot pass everyone. Wendla's friend Martha, played by recent high school graduate Sarah Hunt, reveals to her friends that her father has been sexually abusing her("The Dark I Know Well"), and relates to Ilse, played by Steffi D, who has recently fled a home full of sexual abuse. Meanwhile, Moritz, desperate to escape the wrath of his parents, writes to Melchior's mother, asking for money to help him flee to America. When she firmly but nicely denies, Moritz is enraged at her- and himself("And Then There Were None"). Then, Wendla and Melchior meet spontaneously in a hayloft("The mirror-Blue Night"). In the original play version, Melchior rapes her, but in the musical, Wendla resists a bit, and then gives in, not knowing what exactly they're doing("I Believe"). After all, her mother never told her anything, especially not the consequences of her actions. This is in part why the musical is so controversial- sex on stage is considered vulgar by some, but in reality, it is necessary to show the dark, naive tone of the show.


Act II begins with Wendla and Melchior pondering their actions, not truly understanding what may have happened("The Guilty Ones"). Moritz ponders something darker- he's planning suicide, but then Ilse comes along, and they reminice about old times, when they played pirates together("Don't Do Sadness/Blue Wind"). Ilse begs him to come play with her one last time, but Moritz, angry at himself, denies, and when she leaves, he kills himself. At his funeral, Melchior chastises Moritz’s father for being so cruel to his friend("Left Behind"), as the other students look at Moritz’s father with disgust for pushing Moritz too hard when he was alive. However, his death is blamed on Melchior, when adults find the info about sex he gave Moritz- they claim something like that stressed him out too much and killed him. Rather than deny writing the information, Melchior does nothing to fight it("Totally Fucked"), and gladly proclaims he is the author of the essay. Elsewhere that night, Ernst is seduced by Hanschen, as they confess their love for each other("The Word of Your Body- Reprise"). On a darker note, however, Wendla becomes sick("Whispering"), and her mother is told she is pregnant, yet disguises it as anemia. Rather than care for her daughter in her time of need, and at last inform her of what sex can result in, her mother takes her to an underground practitioner to have an abortion. When Melchior hears of Wendla's pregnancy, he escapes the reform school he'd been sent to, wanting to be with her. When he returns, he sees Moritz's grave, next to Wendla's, realizing that she perished from the abortion attempt. Overwhelmed by grief, Melchior attempts to kill himself, but is confronted by his friends' ghosts("Those You've Known"), who persuade him to live on, carry their spirits. Led by Ilse, all the students get together and sing a final song of relief("The SOng of Purple Summer"). A perfect ending, to a perfect, though dark tale.


The storyline is ominous, but nonetheless phenomenal. As is the music, but in a more upbeat way. "Mama Who Bore Me”, "The Word of Your Body", and "Left Behind" leave the audience to come up with their own conclusion for their true meanings- they're just so provacative, because as characters ponder, so do you. "The Dark I Know Well", the duet about sexual abuse, is sad, yet empowering, as is "Don't Do Sadness". "The Mirror Blue Night" and "Whispering" are eerie and engrossing. And of course, the musicals true anthems, "The Bitch of Living","My Junk", and "Totally Fucked", are just as captivating. The broad range of songs is just absorbing- you barely have time to ponder one situation before another character is thrown into a harsher one. But I think that's what makes it so intriguing- the eclectic mix of far from cheesy alternative rock and an all-encompassing, morbid story, make Spring Awakening the best musical I've ever seen.

My Favorite Mockumentary

Drop Dead Gorgeous is simply phenomenal. I watched it for the 7528904270345 billionth time last weekend, wondering why I don't watch it every day.

The film is a 1999 mockumentary, poking fun at the ridiculously overrated beauty pageants teenage girls dedicate their adolescent lives to. A documentary crew from Los Angeles, California is recruited by Sarah Rose Cosmetics to chronicle the journey several girls will take in Mount Rose, Minnesota, as the compete to win the local beauty pageant. As head of the pageant committee, Gladys Leeman, wonderfully portrayed by Kirstie Alley, is a traditional stage mom, putting on a "good, God-fearin'" girl act, and sabotaging the competition to make sure her daughter, Rebecca Ann Leeman(Denise Richards) wins. Such acts of sabotage include killing one contestant, overachiever Tammy Curry, by literally blowing her up, deafening another, Jenelle Betz, by setting a stage light up to knock her unconscious, and shooting Amber Atkins'(Kirsten Dunst) love interest Brett Clemmens, and blaming hunting season. And this is all overlooked, simply because the Leemans are the richest family in town- Mr. Leeman owns a furniture store that makes a profit off of cheap knock-off couches, and the family's home is riddled with hidden wine cases and ash trays. Not to mention the hilariously naive(and bribed) police force, who, "after some investigatin', determines that all contestants that were killed, must've been smokin' and drivin'". However, most of the contestants are doing the pageant merely for fun, or as Lisa Swenson(Brittany Murphy) puts it, "If you're seventeen, and you're not a total fry, it's just whatcha do."

The film crew follows each contestant, and the audience learns of each of their hilariously real personalities and talents. Amber Atkins just wants to get out of Mount Rose and be a news anchor like her idol, Diane Sawyer. She practices her immense talent for tap dancing while doing her after school job- she does the hair and makeup for the deceased at the local funeral home. Leslie Miller(a very young Amy Adams) is the seemingly innocent, but really future Phillipine stripper, cheerleader who is supported by her crazed, sports fanatic boyfriend. Lisa Swenson has an insane giggle, and aspires to be like her brother Peter, a drag queen in New York City. Tess Winhaus is a ridiculously awkward dog lover, whose talent is imitating different dog barks, including her obvious favorite, the German Shepard. Molly Howard was adopted by a dorky, country-western obsessed Asian family, and is the American daughter they never had(even though they have a gorgeous, pageant-worthy Asian daughter, whom they scream at for not speaking English). Molly's talent is- you guessed it- line dancing! Michelle Johnson is an aspiring actress, with the over dramatic flair to match. She reads a monologue, making proclamations about how "soilent green is people!". Jenelle Betz is seemingly in love with sign language, so when she is deafened by Gladys Leeman, she is thrilled. And of course, theres's Rebecca Ann Leeman, president of her class, president of the Luteran Sisterhood Gun Club of Mount Rose, and a self-proclaimed winner. Her talent is literally one of the funniest things I've ever seen, and a fantastic Denise Richards moment. Rebecca sings appallingly badly while dancing around a Velcro Jesus doll on a rolling crucifix, while clad in a poodle skirt. At the conclusion of her talent performance, her mother, the host of the pageant as well, says, "Oh, boy, I'd hate to follow that act!" to forced applause.

Other characters surrounding the pageant increase the hilarity of the plot, including Amber's mother and best friend- alcoholic cosmetologist Annette Atkins(Ellen Brakin), and the ever promiscuous Loretta(Allison Janney). They all live together in the local trailer park, which is later blown up by Gladys, or according to the police, "bad wiring". The pageant judges, Harold Vilmes, John Dough, and Jean Kangas, have equally amusing background stories. Vilmes(Michael McShane) must remain with his mentally retarted brother Hank(Will Sasso) at all times, or else his pants will always be off. Kangas(Lona Williams) is the sexually harassed employee of Lester Leeman(Sam McMurray), and doesn't say a word throughout the entire film. Dough(Matt Malloy), is an obvious pedophile and heavy smoker, always mentioning how he's "never been around young girls". The judges attempt to make it look as though they haven't been bribed by Gladys and her right hand woman, Iris Clark(Mindy Sterling, but Hank makes it sort of obvious when he shouts, "I KNOW WHO DA WINNER IS!"

I've basically gone over the plot in a weird order to introduce the characters, but I should really do it chronologically. Contestants begin to die before/during the actual pageant, Amber's mobile home explodes, but her tap dancing outfit is saved, and then stolen assuredly by Rebecca, and Amber is nearly disqualified. But, Lisa drops out of the pageant, saying that "Peter has much better legs than [her]". Leslie comes in third place, Amber comes in second, and Rebecca, not surprisingly, wins first. She is featured in a parade, sitting atop a float in the shape of a swan, which catches on fire and kills her. Gladys goes insane and is arrested by Cops(whose cameramen happen to be friends with the documentary crew) when she admits that she killed the other girls. Amber takes Rebecca's place and goes with Loretta to compete at the state level at the Airport HoJo in central Minnesota, and is intimidated by the other city girls and their talents. However, Amber is declared the winner when she is the only one who doesn't eat the bad shellfish served to the girls(the others are hospitalized for excessive vomiting). When Amber goes to the Sarah Rose headquarters to compete at the country-wide level, she and the other girls discover that the company has been seized for tax violations.

Such an excellent movie.

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me!

Although I don't really listen to the radio anymore, I never miss an episode of "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me!" The show, produced weekly by Chicago Public Radio and NPR, is a comedic quiz game show that focuses on blunders in the news. Needless to say, it is immensely entertaining.

The host, Peter Segal, is quite the intellectual, with a Harvard degree to his name. Thus, he is able to improvise impersonations, quotes, whatever it takes to poke fun at the often serious world of politics. He is assisted by Carl Kasell, the show's official judge and score keeper. Carl is elderly, but that just makes him even more amusing. He scoffs at the younger generation now obsessed with Facebook and Twitter, and jokes about young, ambitious politicians. Accompanying Segal and Kasell is a panel composed of three panelists, often comedians, writers, or just plain smart people. Frequent panelists include authors and columnists like Ray Blount, Jr., Amy Dickinson, Kyrie O'Connor, and Charlie Pierce, satirists like Adam Felber and Tom Bodett, comedians like Paula Poundstone and Julia Sweeny, and my personal favorite, TV personality Mo Rocca. Each panelist is quizzed by Segal and Kasell about the current week's news. and needless to say the provide very amusing answers. They rack up points as the show goes on, but they do not do this alone. Avid listeners call the show at "1 Tripe 8 WAIT WAIT" and play all kinds of games.

Ask Carl, Carlbook, Who's Carl This Time?, Bluff the Listener, Listener Limerick Challenge, and Not My Job are the most popular games played with both callers and celebrity guests. The premises of the games are similar- get at least two out of three questions right, and one wins the prize: Carl Kasell's voice on your home answering device. It makes me want to call in and play.

Who's Carl This Time? is usually played first- Kasell recreates a quote from the week's news, and the listener has to name who said it, with subtle, or blatant(and funny) clues from the panelists. A bell rings if the answer is correct, and the audience chortles and "awww"s if the answer is incorrect. However, the latter rarely happens, as the questions are relatively easy, and the listeners are relatively smart! Next comes Bluff the Listener, a much tougher game, because the player only has one chance to win, or lose, which actually happens often. The panelists will read three odd but somehow similar news stories. The way to win is for the listener to guess which story is true out of the three, and which two are completely fictional and products of the panelists' imaginations. The Listener Limerick Challenge requires the contestant to complete Kasell's silly, news realted rhyme. And of course, two out of three correct answers equals a win! Not My Job is a little different, because the player is not just a listener- it's a celebrity. It usually isn't your typical, rolling-in-the-benjamins star or starlet, it's usually a celebrity that's simply different. The guest must answer three questions on a topic unrelated to what they do as a celebrity, on behalf of a listner. Guests will first tell little stories, andswer hilarious questions from Segal, and provide equally hilarious answers, with input from the panelists. Past guests include everyone from Hugh Hefner, to Brian Williams, to Mavis Staples, to Paula Deen. Hilarity ensued, and continues to ensue.

I guess the reason the show is so appealing is because it's full of people who are fed up with all the seriousness that pervades the news, entertainment, and political industries, and take a comedic stance on stories that come out of him. However,(and finally) people of prestige, intellectuals with backgrounds in not only satire, but in education as well. It's interesting to see each panelists' guests', and listeners' takes on austere subjects. For example, Paula Deen, the "queen of southern cuisine" had to answer questions about the ever healthy tofu, preceeding a story about her famous doughnut and hamburger sandwhich. When a school district in California banned the dictionary for explicit sexual content, panelists had quite the time coming up with naughty phrases, or naming the new dictionary "Mr. Sunshine Bunny's Dictionary of Words That Don't Make Angels Cry. When you hear this kind of thing, you die laughing, but at the same time, you appreciate the sophistication of the amusing host, judge, and panelists as a listener. "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me!" oozes prestige, and at the same time, makes adds humor to humorless topics.


http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=35

Florence & the Machine

I've decided to take a different route with this post- I'll conform with my fellow bloggers and write a review. Florence & the Machine is undoubtedly one of the best bands I've ever listened to. Actually, I'm not sure if I could call it a band, as it's mainly Florence Welch and numerous backing instrumentalists. That being said, each member of the "band" makes the listener feel a variety of emotions, each sound echoing from their instrument is completely clear. And Florence's voice- it's virtually indescribable, but I'll make an attempt: it's a mixture of soul a la Dreamgirls's Effie, high notes that are pure as God knows what, jazzy, tender vibrato, and such musical maturity. Florence is literally the only artist I can listen to without winching at an off-key note, or getting bored with her tone. Because that's impossible- she's too good. I recently received the band's first album, Lungs, as a Christmas present(okay, so I kind of picked it out for myself at Target, and pretended to be all surprised when it popped out of my stocking, and I really can't stop listening to it. The first song, "Dog Days Are Over", shows of Florence's powerhouse vocals like no other. I just love the subtle echo they chose to have as she sings, it makes the song ring in your ears, which I think is a plus. It begins soft, with just Florence and guitarist Robert Ackroyd, and then progresses enormously into a rock-the-house tune, with insanely fast drumming, and layers of backup vocals. The best part is hearing that amongst the wild drumming and singing, the listener can hear very slow, simple piano chords, and a harpist. The song is just so... chiseled. It's so well thought out, it's mind boggling really. The rest of the album is no different. "Rabbit Heart(Raise it Up) is equally as heart-stopping and beautiful, and it just makes one want to dance like nobody's watching. The music video is so vintage and creative, and of course Florence's hair is fabulous- nobody can rock thick red locks and bangs like she can. Each song seems to have that echo effect, and not just with Florence's voice, but with all the instruments. The debut single, "Kiss With a Fist" has empowering lyrics, and excellent drum solos. It's so unique- you think it's going to be this crazy fast tune, but then it comes in with sort of a marching band beat, overlaid by muted vocals that sound like Florence is belting into a megaphone. "You've Got the Love" , a cover of Candi Staton's disco hit, has such a sweet melody, but of course, Florence makes it her own with a bit of an eerie tone. She actually sounds kind of like Cher, with dramatic dynamic changes(LOUD, soft LOUD, soft). The video for this song is great too- it's just Florence swinging in this disco esque room, with flashy blue lighting. "Hurricane Drunk", the album's recent fifth single, sounds somewhat improvised, but then you feel like you are being whisked away by Florence's soft yet strong vocals, with the ocean behind it, and the harp just adds to that "major minor major minor" feel. "Howl" is just what it sounds like- haunting. Somewhat screechy violins accompany once again powerhouse belting, "Girl With One Eye" is the one song I'm not crazy about on the album, but that may be because it's so different from the others- it's just Florence and an electric guitar for awhile, hitting high notes and singing about "getting your filthy fingers out of my pie", and "crushing a little heart out"- it's mildly creepy, but intriguing nonetheless. "My Boy Builds Coffins" is SO good, it's a little creepy as well. This song really showcases Florence's jazzy side for some reason, even though it's the farthest thing from a jazz song. I suppose it's because you hear the edginess and fast vibrato of her voice for the first time. She quietly sings about how "he's made one for me, someday he'll make one for you." The lyrics are so penetrating, they stay on your mind for a long time. "Blinding" is a mix between a revengeful song, a Christmas carol, and a lullaby. Florence belts about how "you're the one who held me under" with subtle bells and strings being plucked in the background, and yet the beat is soothing and rocking. See how diverse the album is? It's practically perfect. With flawless vocals, unique accompaniment, and just a variety of different types of songs, Florence & the Machine is on it's way, and I can't wait for their second album!

After Scouring TeenVogue.com

All of my favorite trends, the ones I've been trying to wear correctly for ages, but haven't been able to get exactly right, are coming back. Yes, florals may be predictable for the upcoming season(like, duh, it's spring, flowers, hellooo), but so called "Liberty florals" are undoubtedly in. Busy, often mismatched floral patterns are taking over shoes, dresses, and just about all other articles of clothing. Although I'm looking forward to seeing liberty florals around this spring, I'm gearing up for the latest do-it-yourself trends. I'm planning on attaching ribbons to a bunch of vintagy, oversized rings my mother has, and wearing them as necklaces. Teen Vogue suggests taking skinny jeans and splattering neon paint all over them- can you say, omg excellent idea?! I really want to take a peacoat and sew faux fur onto the collar. I'm kind of leaning towards bedazzling some shirts too...I know it's sad, but I have a feeling it's destiny. I recently purchased a bunch of technically vintage (I love thrift stores) Victoria's Secret Pink shirts, and they are dripping in sequins and lovely sayings are strewn across the front. I think overloading on glam and accessories and layers is going to be all over the place this spring. All the Teen Vogue layouts I've seen lately feature models hidden beneath 57439870527 oversized sweatshirts, 72350405203 chunky necklaces, a pair of thick leggings, and crazy high boots or heels. The article I wrote for my journalism class about fashion was more cynical than this post, I tore aspiring fashionista's dreams of rocking double denim apart, because frankly, it can't be done. That's why I'm glad I have this blog- I can ramble about what I want to wear this season, not what my peers shouldn't wear. I'm thinking as this post escalates, I'll mention some "fashion don'ts", but for now I'll stick with happier subjects- like Anna Sui's quirky runway hits. Think Victorian-era lace meets Where the Wild Things Are meets Russia. Allow me to explain. Loose flowing lacy dresses, paired with neon blue tights, with just one thick, high purple sock, with one of those fabulous traditional Russian caps (with a feather in it, nonetheless). Sometimes, said caps have faux fur wolf-like ears on the top. Edgy, yes. For everyone, no. Toning down this look, however, is easy. By excluding the hat and sock, you've got a safe for school, chic outfit. That is the case with most runway fashions- they are not appropriate for everyday wear, but simply removing an accessory or two (or seven thousand) creates an excellent ensemble. Take the latest trends from Jill Stuart, par example. Harsh yet girly dresses, poofed to the extreme, often paired with feathers galore (it doesn't even matter where you put them), are not something one can afford to wear to school, risking ketchup stains, and weird looks. However, an a-line skirt (a slight poof) and white gloves may make you the talk of Facebook statuses, but you'll be tea-party and school chic. Stella McCartney will undoubtedly save you from having to tone down one of her looks at all. Her runway fashions suggest simplicity. Throw a black peacoat over a straight cut, white dress, pair with chic boots, and you're ready. Although I adore piling on accessories, and I love lots of embellishment, sometimes less is more when it comes to fashion. It's strange...I haven't discussed cats at all in this post. I thought for sure I would. But it's not like you can wear cats. Although I suppose I could drape my kitty Jewel across my shoulders and just pet her as I walk through the city streets, she loves me too much to jump off, inevitably knocking off my neon wayfarers. On second thought, bad idea. Wow, I get sidetracked so easily. And it's not like I have flawless transitions between subjects either. I'm just like, fashion, sequins, boots, Stella, cats, ramble. Actually, that kind of defines my life right now, my style included. I'm an eclectic person, so my style is all over the place. Monday it's, oh hey conformity, hi Hollister and Abercrombie and Fitch. Tuesday, I'm all city-slicker chic, neon Doc Martens and shirts tucked into skirts a la Marc by Marc Jacobs. I think that's a good thing though. I mean, if I tried to rock high fashion looks constantly, I wouldn't necessarily be viewed as a Teen Vogue "It Girl". I'd just be... weird. It's a good idea to mix things up a bit, and not just by adding more crazy looks to my wardrobe. By simply planning out my week in clothes, I've reached a new level of Fahsionisaism (it's a word. Well, now it is, because I used it, duh). I'm taking control of my own style, with help and advice of course, from my beloved Teen Vogue.com

Oh hey Kristen Wig, you're fabulous.

SNL<3

SELFLIONZ

I really, really, really want lots of cats when I grow up. I have three right now. They are my life. End of story. Except this blog has to be 500 words long, so not end of story. Hmm, other things I like....umm, singing. RH Singers and Spectrum Singers have taken over the miniscule part of my life that is not consumed by cats. In terms of music itself, I love that sort of offbeat, indie stuff, although it's becoming quite cliche to listen to music like that. I will stick to the fact that I found the Noisettes and Vampire Weekend first, I was the one who rattled about unorthodox bands like that to my friends, who somehow informed Teen Vogue and Seventeen and the rest of the world, of such eclectic talent. My favorite band of all time however, no questions asked, is Blondie. I'm kind of obsessed with Debbie Harry and her voice and stage prescence and entire being. I mean, have you seen her acoustic version of "Heart of Glass"? It's too good. My boyfriend got me a DVD of Blondie live in the '70's, and I'm kind of addicted to it. That's another thing, my boyfriend. Liam Jameson Enright. I'm acting more like him every day- he's rather loud, rather dreadful at math, and rather perfect. He likes lions. Lions are really just big cats. It was meant to be. I always end up talking about cats, so feel free to close this post in disgust, and chuck your computer out the window. I may end up rambling about Finding Nemo as well, since it's the best movie EVER. Well at least I think so. It's extremely well-written, and it's not one of those movies you laugh through just once. Every single time I see it(so basically every weekend since 2003) I laugh, and I always cry at the end, when Dory says, "I look at you, and- and I'm home." Anyways, I should end this post for now. Cats.